Last week, to celebrate reaching my wedding weight and as a belated birthday present for my husband, I stood in front of an almost stranger in my underwear in a field and had my photo taken!
In the weeks running up to it I was kinda nervous - in hindsight I was more nervous about making sure I had everything in place (no pun intended!)....all the stuff you need to stand semi-naked in a barn in Hampshire!!
I'm not sure what I thought I was expecting - but the whole experience wasn't like it at all! The photographer geezer (for that is forever how he will be known to me!) was amazing. There are more traits in people than I care to admit that I dislike, but David Goff (aka photo geezer) didn't do anything to irk me. And that truly is a modern day miracle...he even let me listen to Placebo!!
The funniest recollection of the afternoon of the shoot still has to be me proclaiming how unsexy looking sexy can be. or maybe that's a reflection on what sexy really is to each of us and what it means. For example, I'm wearing the most amazing corset - nothing fancy, but beautifully made, expensive - and feeling really comfortable in it, except to move, well do anything in apart from stand! And the shoes............I have, what I consider to be the most amazingly beautiful impractical platform goth shoes that look great to stand in and lie down in, but not move in. which is difficult to go from standing to well, not!
Any maybe that's the crux of the issue....I couldn't move well. I'm used to flexibility, to hiding any vulnerability behind agitated movements and to fluidity. I think the fluidity is the key in that bunch - sexiness to me involves fluidity, a freedom of everything. The other key ingredient, perhaps THE key ingredient that was missing was an engagement with an individual.
The very very professional photo geezer shoots from behind a camera (and most of the time i was utterly unaware of what he was doing, let alone taking pictures of!) and so there is little human interaction, feedback or response. Although thinking about it, in the light that it is a professional relationship - I'm not sure what else would have been 'appropriate' - but either way, I conclude I need interaction to feel sexy. which i guess means I feel sexy if someone finds me sexy. or interesting. or funny. and not just dressed as I was, however 'sexy' I looked.
Hub and I went to see the pictures a few days later - and frankly, without trying to sound like a narcissist or an arrogant wanker - they are amazing, and beautiful and sexy (a true testament to photo geezer!)
Whoever said beauty is only skin deep had a point you know. Looking sexy and feeling sexy were, for me at least separate. I do wonder however how much better they could have been if the looking and feeling matched up................although I'm sure something else neurotic would have stepped in to mess it up!
But honestly, all's well that ends well - the pics are amazing. I love them. And hub loves them....and I get a bucket full of interaction from him!!!!!
Saturday, 19 September 2009
25 random things about me......
I was sent a random things about me challenge a few months ago and I stuck it on my facebook account. I found it today and decided that I haven't changed much over the past 6 months and I really like my list!! So, 25 random things about me.......
1. Last autumn was the first 'real' grown up holiday we've had in the UK. I've travelled all over the world and visited some amazing places but have really missed out on places much closer to home.
2. I'm not sure i know how to relax. The things i've tried to enable me to learn end up having quite the opposite effect.
3. I am a very lucky person. Fact.
4. I am an extremely loyal person, and i will accept a lot of grief from some people... however I can't be bothered with some others. There isn't any exact rationale behind the selection criteria and heaven help you if you go from in to out :)
5. I'm highly motivated but even after a lot of analysis am not sure exactly what motivates me.
6. I am honest and find those that aren't hard to stomach. The truth will out.
7. I feel really strongly about fairness and that what goes around comes around. Not that i really understand the last part of that sentance!
8. Coffee rocks. I love it but it's still a new discovery!
9. Mr Tumble scares me. It's just not right.
10. I believe that people enter my life when i need them.
11. I hate hate hate marmite, even the smell.
12. I don't get Kate Moss.
13. We were in New york the weekend Heath Ledger died.
14. Once i've decided I want to do something I need to do it straight away - Instant gratification is big in my book!
15. I would have liked to have worked with animals but i'm allergic to almost everything.
16. I miss smoking. If it didn't kill you or was so disgusting I would still be doing it! I'm glad that smoking was allowed in pubs when i was growing up as i associate it with meeting some fab people... but wouldnt want it in pubs now.
17. I don't like people being hypocritical and more importantly unaware that they are being hypocrytical. and i am aware that point
16 makes me a hypocrite!!
18. I love my allotment and would like to be able to spend more of my time there.
19. I admire my husband more than anyone else in the world. He is amazing.
20. Whilst not a stereotypically a girly girl, my surprising guilty pleasure is for films including cyote ugly and a knights tale and tv programmes such as 'top model' and project runway / catwalk!
21. I compulsively check my email, facebook, twitter......etc!
22. My life is my choice.
23. I have worked for the same organisation for 11 years but have changed jobs regularly.
24. Bath is one of my favourite places and going there always feels like coming home. I'm really glad we got married there as it makes it more special.
25. My boys are my life.
1. Last autumn was the first 'real' grown up holiday we've had in the UK. I've travelled all over the world and visited some amazing places but have really missed out on places much closer to home.
2. I'm not sure i know how to relax. The things i've tried to enable me to learn end up having quite the opposite effect.
3. I am a very lucky person. Fact.
4. I am an extremely loyal person, and i will accept a lot of grief from some people... however I can't be bothered with some others. There isn't any exact rationale behind the selection criteria and heaven help you if you go from in to out :)
5. I'm highly motivated but even after a lot of analysis am not sure exactly what motivates me.
6. I am honest and find those that aren't hard to stomach. The truth will out.
7. I feel really strongly about fairness and that what goes around comes around. Not that i really understand the last part of that sentance!
8. Coffee rocks. I love it but it's still a new discovery!
9. Mr Tumble scares me. It's just not right.
10. I believe that people enter my life when i need them.
11. I hate hate hate marmite, even the smell.
12. I don't get Kate Moss.
13. We were in New york the weekend Heath Ledger died.
14. Once i've decided I want to do something I need to do it straight away - Instant gratification is big in my book!
15. I would have liked to have worked with animals but i'm allergic to almost everything.
16. I miss smoking. If it didn't kill you or was so disgusting I would still be doing it! I'm glad that smoking was allowed in pubs when i was growing up as i associate it with meeting some fab people... but wouldnt want it in pubs now.
17. I don't like people being hypocritical and more importantly unaware that they are being hypocrytical. and i am aware that point
16 makes me a hypocrite!!
18. I love my allotment and would like to be able to spend more of my time there.
19. I admire my husband more than anyone else in the world. He is amazing.
20. Whilst not a stereotypically a girly girl, my surprising guilty pleasure is for films including cyote ugly and a knights tale and tv programmes such as 'top model' and project runway / catwalk!
21. I compulsively check my email, facebook, twitter......etc!
22. My life is my choice.
23. I have worked for the same organisation for 11 years but have changed jobs regularly.
24. Bath is one of my favourite places and going there always feels like coming home. I'm really glad we got married there as it makes it more special.
25. My boys are my life.
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Does time really fly? and are we having fun yet?!
wow wee, where has time gone? I was literally surprised at my own last post - both because I don't remember writing it and at how long ago I did. Thanks to Julia P for the prod to get back to it :)
Life passes, just sometimes it seems to go a heck of a lot faster than I'd like. Or maybe not. I'm in a good place mentally at the moment and this seems to coincide with the feeling of the speed of the passing of time.
I had the realisation earlier today that at my next birthday I will reach a personal milestone. Its not one of the usual milestones that seem to upset people (I will definitely not be 40!!) but in conjunction with the heart rate monitor I am currently wearing, the realisation forced an internal shudder. A shudder as to aging, to mortality and a shudder about what that may or may not mean concerning the way I choose to interpret it. When I decide, I commit to blog about the journey!!
It also forced me to think differently about something I am doing next week. I have booked to have some pictures taken and had made it into quite a big deal - and by big i really do mean massive deal - in my head, but no more. I am what i am, and considering i will never be more vital than I am at the current time, I will utterly make sure that it is what it is and i have fun with it....... otherwise, clothes or no clothes, there really is little point.............
Life passes, just sometimes it seems to go a heck of a lot faster than I'd like. Or maybe not. I'm in a good place mentally at the moment and this seems to coincide with the feeling of the speed of the passing of time.
I had the realisation earlier today that at my next birthday I will reach a personal milestone. Its not one of the usual milestones that seem to upset people (I will definitely not be 40!!) but in conjunction with the heart rate monitor I am currently wearing, the realisation forced an internal shudder. A shudder as to aging, to mortality and a shudder about what that may or may not mean concerning the way I choose to interpret it. When I decide, I commit to blog about the journey!!
It also forced me to think differently about something I am doing next week. I have booked to have some pictures taken and had made it into quite a big deal - and by big i really do mean massive deal - in my head, but no more. I am what i am, and considering i will never be more vital than I am at the current time, I will utterly make sure that it is what it is and i have fun with it....... otherwise, clothes or no clothes, there really is little point.............
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