Last week, to celebrate reaching my wedding weight and as a belated birthday present for my husband, I stood in front of an almost stranger in my underwear in a field and had my photo taken!
In the weeks running up to it I was kinda nervous - in hindsight I was more nervous about making sure I had everything in place (no pun intended!)....all the stuff you need to stand semi-naked in a barn in Hampshire!!
I'm not sure what I thought I was expecting - but the whole experience wasn't like it at all! The photographer geezer (for that is forever how he will be known to me!) was amazing. There are more traits in people than I care to admit that I dislike, but David Goff (aka photo geezer) didn't do anything to irk me. And that truly is a modern day miracle...he even let me listen to Placebo!!
The funniest recollection of the afternoon of the shoot still has to be me proclaiming how unsexy looking sexy can be. or maybe that's a reflection on what sexy really is to each of us and what it means. For example, I'm wearing the most amazing corset - nothing fancy, but beautifully made, expensive - and feeling really comfortable in it, except to move, well do anything in apart from stand! And the shoes............I have, what I consider to be the most amazingly beautiful impractical platform goth shoes that look great to stand in and lie down in, but not move in. which is difficult to go from standing to well, not!
Any maybe that's the crux of the issue....I couldn't move well. I'm used to flexibility, to hiding any vulnerability behind agitated movements and to fluidity. I think the fluidity is the key in that bunch - sexiness to me involves fluidity, a freedom of everything. The other key ingredient, perhaps THE key ingredient that was missing was an engagement with an individual.
The very very professional photo geezer shoots from behind a camera (and most of the time i was utterly unaware of what he was doing, let alone taking pictures of!) and so there is little human interaction, feedback or response. Although thinking about it, in the light that it is a professional relationship - I'm not sure what else would have been 'appropriate' - but either way, I conclude I need interaction to feel sexy. which i guess means I feel sexy if someone finds me sexy. or interesting. or funny. and not just dressed as I was, however 'sexy' I looked.
Hub and I went to see the pictures a few days later - and frankly, without trying to sound like a narcissist or an arrogant wanker - they are amazing, and beautiful and sexy (a true testament to photo geezer!)
Whoever said beauty is only skin deep had a point you know. Looking sexy and feeling sexy were, for me at least separate. I do wonder however how much better they could have been if the looking and feeling matched up................although I'm sure something else neurotic would have stepped in to mess it up!
But honestly, all's well that ends well - the pics are amazing. I love them. And hub loves them....and I get a bucket full of interaction from him!!!!!
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