The blog entry I never wrote........Where did everybody go?!

One of my facebook friends updated their status today stating that 'a true friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out' - which immediately stuck a chord as to how far I've come since being diagnosed with PND almost 3 years ago now.

I'm no longer being treated - and for the most of the time I don't think of the affect it's had on our lives, but sometimes I'm reminded. Some of the effects are profound - I will never have another child, in part through the fear of ever returning to that place in my head I found myself in - and some (like the people who walked in and helped me through it) altered the course of my life forever.

It's funny, those people weren't necessarily the ones who I might have assumed they would have been. I distinctly remember my hen party, I felt so lucky to be surrounded by lovely lovely people. Interestingly, hardly any of those friends were the ones who walked in when I needed them most.

This isn't a pity post or a cheap dig at people - it's been a long long time and I've had enough time to get over myself and most importantly I'm grateful for the people who did step in. Saying that, I do wonder what happened - where did everybody go?!!

I guess when it comes to people, it's impossible to generalise as everyone is different. I Think from my very limited experience, that there are always casualties of depression - especially if its triggered by an event as suddenly you're not the person you once were. I always had a thing about not really telling people what was going on and what I was going through, I withdrew from people - but eventually realised that I couldn't 'blame' people for not being there if I hadn't told them - but telling people for me was a MASSIVE deal. I told 3 friends who I had known for a very long time. One was amazing, the other 2 were not.

In my con-fuddled madness and a couple of months after sharing the issues that I struggled so much to share, I realised that I was the one who always called them, always visited, always emailed, essentially was holding our relationships together. I decided to conduct what I now call a social experiment with some of my friends. When it started it was sparked by withdrawing into the depression, but 3 years later, and the depression gone, I think in part it has shown me both where I've come from but also who my friends now are. I decided, quite simply, to treat others how they treated me. If they called, I'd try to make sure I'd call them back. The last time we stayed at one friends house I mentioned to them that we always went to see them and that in the 7 years we had lived in our house that they had visited (albeit in passing) twice. They promised to visit. They never have.

So does it matter? It used to, but not any more. People walk into and out of our lives. Some stay a while, some stay a very very very long while. What I've learnt is that it needs to be worth investing in and being two-sided - especially as I have so much less time than I used to have. So, it's time (without malice) to draw a line in the sand. All good things might come to those who wait, but they can also come to an end.